After reading Kantor's 4-player model and utilizing it in my conversations with others, I found it to be very eye opening in that it defined the roles we play in our everyday encounters with others. I told my coach, Michelle, that I practiced activities 1 and 3 with the same person: my mother. My role has typically been, much to my chagrin, a follower to my mother's mover and opposer roles. As I have grown older and wiser, I have been trying to move into the mover and opposer roles to try and establish my independence from her. In my latest conversation with her, I took on the opposer role and she did not take well to it. She refuses to understand that I have a point of view as well as believe that we cannot all think like her. Michelle told me that she also falls into the follower role with her mother and generally does not prefer to change that relationship. Unfortunately, I am not as accepting so I generally try to buck the establishment.
We started talking about cultural and generational differences when it comes to dialogue, as well as nature vs. nurture. With older people and generally with those in our family, there is a tendency to always play the follower role and not question our elders. When I think of nature vs. nurture, although I do believe that we are born with some tendencies towards more effective dialogue than others, I also believe that nurture plays a larger role. In the example of my mother, she was brought up in the 40s and 50s when children were seen but not heard. In trying to gain some perspective on my mother, I have thought about how she was brought up is most likely the reason she is the way she is now. To not have a say in anything could lead to a full rebellion against that as soon as a child grows older. My mother wants to establish herself and have her say but it is to the extent that others can't have a word in edgewise. Two polar opposites.
In sharing this model with others, I chose to discuss this theory with my classmates in my other on-line course "Collaboration and Organizational Change". Having said this, Michelle and I discussed that perhaps it is easier to utilize this theory of Kantor's in an organizational setting. Michelle was saying that in her place of employment, meetings are generally one-sided and all participants attend and listen and then leave. Very frustrating. I think if we can look at this model as a tool for us to use in these situations, it can help us gain perspective. Perhaps the meeting leader thinks it is their job to always be the mover. What if we asked that person if we could take on a different role? What if we chose to be bystanders and offer another perspective? With that, comes some fear for one's job but it shouldn't be like that. Michelle said she is follower and I said I am more of a mover or bystander. I cannot accept things that I don't agree with. I have to have a voice. I have learned over the years that it has not always made me so popular but even if my management hasn't like it, I have always been promoted to better positions. I am hoping that this class will help me to express my ideas a little bit better so that when I am moving and shaking, I am doing so in a productive way.
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