What exactly is Suspension?

My coachee, Ray, is probably the best person I know to do this Suspension exercise with as he is an avid debater with strong opinions.  The practice of Suspension was an interesting discovery process for him in that he had to suspend his judgment and be silent for much longer than he normally feels comfortable doing.  The conversation he chose to have was between him and a friend that enjoys some friendly debate.  The friend was advocating his very strong views on what he believes to be the transparency of government.  Ray did not necessarily agree with his arguments.  During the 2 part process of Suspension, Ray looked inward and focused on reflecting on what his friend was saying vs. reacting.  As he listened and acted as bystander by asking clarifying questions, he felt a heightened awareness of what he was doing in the conversation.  He realized that he needed to watch his tone when responding so as not to sound judgmental.  He felt that this would show his friend that he respected his opinion.  As he does in his classroom with his students, he envisioned how his friend may see him in this role and what he might have to do to make this a more successful activity.


Towards the end of the conversation , he spoke to his friend about how he felt their dialogue went.  He told Ray he felt "impressed" by the conversation.  I ask though, was it because Ray didn't challenge him in a debate?  Or was he impressed that Ray asked him challenging questions that made him understand his point of view further?  Ray obtained a greater understanding of his awareness and his friend's views but did his friend also have that mutual understanding?


I asked Ray if he felt that Suspension was practical in everyday conversation and where it would be best utilized.  He responded that Suspension definitely has it's place in the stage of generative dialogue.  There is something to be said for the carefulness, mindfulness and suspension of judgment, especially when it comes to conflict resolution.  Inquiry also has it's place.  It was helpful in this situation and both Ray and I agreed that we improvised on this practice by making inquiries with the other person in order to act in that neutral bystander role.  Inquiry was not necessarily clarified in this assignment.  We both agreed we would like to see a model of this practice in action so that we can further wrap our heads around the concept.  Perhaps our professor can be a party to a conference call and observe us in practice?  Or maybe there is a good video to watch on this subject?  We are seeking further information on how best to utilize this practice.